The Talk You Haven't Had Yet A Parent's Guide to College Drug & Alcohol Risk
Part 7 of 8

"How Do I Actually Start This Conversation?"

Six steps, loosely — not a script to recite, but a sequence that works.

A parent and their child sitting on a couch at home, having a relaxed face-to-face conversation
A calm moment at home beats a confrontation every time — the setting is half the conversation.

Get informed first

Know the difference between typical and dangerous use before you open the conversation. (If you've read this guide, you already have.)

Pick a calm moment

Not mid-argument, not right after discovering something upsetting. The setting matters as much as the words.

Ask about the "why," not just the "what"

Substance use is often standing in for stress, loneliness, or wanting to fit in. Understanding the "why" tells you what actually needs fixing.

Name what you've noticed, specifically

Specific observations land better than broad accusations.

"You've missed three morning classes this month" lands better than "I think you drink too much."

Offer a next step, not an ultimatum

A counseling center appointment, a health center visit, or agreeing to check in again next week. Concrete and doable beats dramatic and final.

Follow up

One conversation rarely changes a pattern alone. Help them take the next step — don't just suggest it.

A father sitting outdoors on a campus wall, talking earnestly with his college-age daughter
Meet them where they are — sometimes the best talks happen on campus, not across the kitchen table.
Remember

The goal of the first conversation isn't to solve everything — it's to make the second conversation possible.